lot of the subject matter we write about here is about chasing what
you want. Figuring it out. As a nice change of pace, our good friend
Jackie Blackford from Blackford Photography has been awesome enough
to submit a post for us that I think reflects the fact that once you
do start building a life on your own terms, its not just a walk in
the old metaphorical park. Without further ado, here is an insightful
view-point from Ms. Blackford
The all consuming selfish self against the rat race, the masses and a
backdrop of predisposed, perfectly illustrated, perfect possible
futures that it is now nestling in its mind By
Jackie Blackford.
It is very easy to rebel
against the world. To seek a different life. To fight the stupid
stream that forces you to get up and do stuff. You, who does not feel
like doing anything everyone else is doing because you are more
special than a mediocre life.
In the moment your life
becomes that, I urge you to drop everything and run away.
Cradle yourself until you can only hear your own whispers in the dark, because no amount of
motivation, inspiration or money can make you passionate enough about
something, to drag your faint uninteresting heartbeat to the surface
for a breath of reality.
If in your mind, it is
still only you against a backdrop of people, that holds no
possibilities for you, who share no intelligence, alienating bad
people that are all the same, then you suffer from a little self
delusion.
You
see the merry thing about our simple minds are, that we actually
enjoy doing stuff we have vision for. That we get rewarded for, but
mostly that we are passionate about. When
you are so excited for a personal achievement, that the work
[journey] becomes as rewarding as the achievement, you sort of have
this little life thing figured out.
Being jaded and
untouchable, being removed from the masses, in no way makes you
better. Half a second spend getting to know people, is pretty much as
easy as life can be, and loving silently and in peace (thank you
OSHO) is the easiest way to take the blame off people for how
terrible aspects of your existence can be, and place in neatly back
in your lap.
You
see people are only harmful if they effect you, if you are dependent
on them, if you need approval, love, admiration, lodging, respect,
income from them and they are too poor, selfish, douchy to give it to
you all the time. If you are looking for these things, run to the
hills… blah blah blah
(now singing Run to the
Hills from Iron Maiden in my head, thanks brain)
The thing is,
RESPONSIBILITY.
The moment that you take
responsibility for your life, and stop being a victim, a whole lot of
doors open for you.
Once you realize that you are responsible for how you spend your days,
what you do with your life and what you think of yourself, it’s a
bloody party.
Turn your tunnel vision of the here and now into a wide angle view of this
split second you exist.
In the end nothing you ever did matters. It
doesn't even matter if you receive a Nobel prize for piece, or an
Emmy for acting, or a handwritten birthday card from your toddler for
being the best parent ever.
But if you happened to achieve them whilst you were loving your life and doing what makes
you cry with happiness, then buja!!! Geez right?
Okay so how does one start this journey of drowning the un-pleasable, ungrateful self that
will claim freedom at the back and loss of other justifying it with
dismissal of the existence of others being as important the Self?
1.There is no such thing as a perfect / great / happy world / life /
journey. Suck it in, pucker up and stop being such a whiny ass. Of
course you are going to have hard days / months / years. It is just
life. You cannot control everything. Complain, drink a bottle of
wine, move away, don’t move at all, whatever, just stop pretending
that one can get it right. Everybody is as confused in their journey
as you.
2.Be bloody thankful for good days / weeks / months / moments. Being
thankful for what you have [life, thoughts, a will, beer, legs to run
away] will change your perspective so much, that sooner than later
you will find yourself happy and content even if you just
accidentally killed snowball with the lawnmower, because at least you
have a lawn, and snowball wasn't your cat.
3.Keeping moving forward. Keep doing what you love, even if only
for a minute a day. Live, breath and inhale your passion!!! Things
change as you do. Soon your life will be where you wanted it, just
stop being a spoiled obsessed brat, and live slowly, breath deeply,
take the disappointment with honor and keep trying. As you get
stronger, it gets easier.
4. Rest more. Loaf more. Sleep more. And if you are… do it less. If you are not happy…
THEN BLOODY WELL CHANGE THINGS
5.Just breath. Everything is going to be okay. You just missed another day being crazy. Love
your life. You only have this one. Create stuff. Read stuff. Love
stuff.
Loads of love
Jax
Thank you Jackie for the insights.
Be sure to check out her
awesome work at:
http://jackieblackford.blogspot.com/
And follow her on
twitter:
https://twitter.com/JackieBlackford
While you are at it, why not follow T&P?
https://twitter.com/GnimEvit
Thanks for reading
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Finding Your Passion
How Can One Figure It Out?
I, like you, have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it is I love doing. It sounds simple, but if you have ever been faced with wanting a change, you know how hard it can be.
We start when we are kids. We want to be doctors and lawyers because our parents tell us we want to be doctors and lawyers. Secretly we want to be superheroes, or wild animals or something. Then later in life we keep with the former bit of reasoning and lose the latter.
In our late teens we are all going to be millionaires by being so super awesome. I don't like writing about teenagers, they are belligerent and useless. So after that we reach our our early twenties. Here it really starts to happen. Most of us realize we don't want to be doctors or lawyers or insert here whatever your parents said you should be. Most of us don't have the grades or means either. What we don't realize then is that most of us are really lucky for it.
Logically this would then be the time we start searching, but we don't. We tend to sort of fall into something. As an example, I just sort of fell into advertising. I liked drawing, so hey, graphic designer right? Turns out no, not right. I studied that, did alright, but knew that I secretly hated it.
Next, perhaps as a method of avoiding actually working in the field, I got myself into lecturing. First as a guest lecturer, and then full time. Then the college closed. This is a good example because that's sort of life, that's what happens when you only half build a life, one that still relies on something external over which you have less than no control.
Anyway, so we all go through some version of this, next we try to fall into a similar industry, because, you know, now this is all we know, and we are used to getting paid, and we reckon this one thing is all we can do. Now you have a career. You didn't choose this career, it just sort of happened.
You spend the next five or so years blindly following this path. Well it could be a lot more or a lot less, but we just sort of go along with it. This is life now. And then the storms hit. You start to sabotage yourself. Subtly at first, like you'll go out and get wasted on a week night. You suddenly 'won't be able' to do certain tasks, particular those involving work. All you can do now is the very least, and progressively, even less than that. You will get mad at people's faces. You will start complaining about not being able to do junk you damn well know you wouldn't want to be doing anyway, like the old 'I want to jog but work has me too tired'.
In whatever way or form, this resentment will build. Some people do this their entire lives. Some of us lose it. This is where we self destruct. Big and loud. I have mentioned before that I think self destruction is a misunderstood creature. This is because we believe it's bad, and we do not connect the dots leading up to it.
Think of it this way. If a person is actually happy and fulfilled, would they blow it all up? The answer is a flat no, if that one is tripping you up. We destroy ourselves because we need to, because we can't live the life we are living anymore.
So to get back on topic, everyone will go through a few of these blow ups, at least. When you do, understand what the actual you, the more intelligent internal self, is trying to tell you, the walking breathing idiot. Odds are that you won't, not the first couple of times at least.
You will in all likelihood end up building something not to dissimilar to what you had before, or even worse, try to mend your previous situation. This is because of a misunderstanding caused by years of poor communication between you and yourself.
You still at this point don't know what it is you actually want.
How do you figure this out? I am going to talk about this some more in my next post, but a lot of it involves separating 'you' from the narrative that is 'your role'. But rather than address the process here tonight, I am going to talk about what I love. I think that the general train of thought behind it better articulates the point in any case.
I love to write. I didn't always know this. I did always love to read, but since my early life I was enamored with the arts. Later in life, my ego hijacked this interest, and foolishly had me thinking I wanted to be in the music industry. I tried starting bands, I played guitar, I spoke about it the way any obnoxious self righteous idiot who wants to be appreciated for being an artist, rather than actually just being an artist, does (See: First year fine art or drama students).
Where it all sort of fell apart for Mr. Ego was in the fact that I am terrified of crowds, groups, or sometimes even just a single person I feel is being to observant*
So while working and sort of doing the whole 'Falling into it' career thing, I thought I had an interest in photography. Scratch that. I did, and still do. It took me a while however to figure out that what I had no interest in was being a photographer. Studying photography was a great help in realizing this. I wanted to be like Claire from Six Feet Under and take morose images juxtaposing the world with some deeper pseudo-intellectual existentialist melancholy. Whatever.
What I didn't want to do was take photos of people getting married. That is the majority of the industry, and the few alternatives didn't appeal either. I rarely take photos of my kid, why the hell would you think I want to take any of yours? Oh, you will pay me? Soul sucking void of meaninglessness and death of purpose here I come again, baited by the prospect of being paid... You get me every time you sinister little pieces of paper.
Another passion I have always had is visual art, but to quote a younger and far more abrasive me, 'Visual art is dead'. It isn't literally dead, but success at it falls in line with any sort of 'fame' based work. Its a competition with millions of other really talented people, and at the end of the day you all lose because some fool's pet monkey pooped on a canvas and its won the new artist spot. That is only sort of a joke, the art world really is like that. Talent and skill mean little. Right place right time means everything.
Defecating monkeys aside, the other reason art wasn't for me is because I can't 'produce' it, so to speak, it's an emotional thing for me, and largely a darker side of myself, and I feel this may be the case for many of us who have thought along those lines.
Through all these adventures, I had always been writing though. I started a lot of books. Not so much did I finished a lot of books. I have written tons of stuff, poetry, short stories, journals, song lyrics, i had boxes of just written junk. Never once did I seriously think 'hey, I want to be a writer'. I wrote because I loved it. And after many years, and a lot of failing at other junk, the light bulb did finally, and oh so cartoonishly, appear floating above mine head...
I still have to do other work to live at the moment, but it's nothing I hate, and the I have my target...
Thanks for reading.
I, like you, have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it is I love doing. It sounds simple, but if you have ever been faced with wanting a change, you know how hard it can be.
We start when we are kids. We want to be doctors and lawyers because our parents tell us we want to be doctors and lawyers. Secretly we want to be superheroes, or wild animals or something. Then later in life we keep with the former bit of reasoning and lose the latter.
In our late teens we are all going to be millionaires by being so super awesome. I don't like writing about teenagers, they are belligerent and useless. So after that we reach our our early twenties. Here it really starts to happen. Most of us realize we don't want to be doctors or lawyers or insert here whatever your parents said you should be. Most of us don't have the grades or means either. What we don't realize then is that most of us are really lucky for it.
Logically this would then be the time we start searching, but we don't. We tend to sort of fall into something. As an example, I just sort of fell into advertising. I liked drawing, so hey, graphic designer right? Turns out no, not right. I studied that, did alright, but knew that I secretly hated it.
Next, perhaps as a method of avoiding actually working in the field, I got myself into lecturing. First as a guest lecturer, and then full time. Then the college closed. This is a good example because that's sort of life, that's what happens when you only half build a life, one that still relies on something external over which you have less than no control.
Anyway, so we all go through some version of this, next we try to fall into a similar industry, because, you know, now this is all we know, and we are used to getting paid, and we reckon this one thing is all we can do. Now you have a career. You didn't choose this career, it just sort of happened.
You spend the next five or so years blindly following this path. Well it could be a lot more or a lot less, but we just sort of go along with it. This is life now. And then the storms hit. You start to sabotage yourself. Subtly at first, like you'll go out and get wasted on a week night. You suddenly 'won't be able' to do certain tasks, particular those involving work. All you can do now is the very least, and progressively, even less than that. You will get mad at people's faces. You will start complaining about not being able to do junk you damn well know you wouldn't want to be doing anyway, like the old 'I want to jog but work has me too tired'.
In whatever way or form, this resentment will build. Some people do this their entire lives. Some of us lose it. This is where we self destruct. Big and loud. I have mentioned before that I think self destruction is a misunderstood creature. This is because we believe it's bad, and we do not connect the dots leading up to it.
Think of it this way. If a person is actually happy and fulfilled, would they blow it all up? The answer is a flat no, if that one is tripping you up. We destroy ourselves because we need to, because we can't live the life we are living anymore.
So to get back on topic, everyone will go through a few of these blow ups, at least. When you do, understand what the actual you, the more intelligent internal self, is trying to tell you, the walking breathing idiot. Odds are that you won't, not the first couple of times at least.
You will in all likelihood end up building something not to dissimilar to what you had before, or even worse, try to mend your previous situation. This is because of a misunderstanding caused by years of poor communication between you and yourself.
You still at this point don't know what it is you actually want.
How do you figure this out? I am going to talk about this some more in my next post, but a lot of it involves separating 'you' from the narrative that is 'your role'. But rather than address the process here tonight, I am going to talk about what I love. I think that the general train of thought behind it better articulates the point in any case.
I love to write. I didn't always know this. I did always love to read, but since my early life I was enamored with the arts. Later in life, my ego hijacked this interest, and foolishly had me thinking I wanted to be in the music industry. I tried starting bands, I played guitar, I spoke about it the way any obnoxious self righteous idiot who wants to be appreciated for being an artist, rather than actually just being an artist, does (See: First year fine art or drama students).
Where it all sort of fell apart for Mr. Ego was in the fact that I am terrified of crowds, groups, or sometimes even just a single person I feel is being to observant*
*This wasn't the case while lecturing though, for some reason having control over a large group's grades somehow diminishes the intimidation one experiences. Funny how that works.
So while working and sort of doing the whole 'Falling into it' career thing, I thought I had an interest in photography. Scratch that. I did, and still do. It took me a while however to figure out that what I had no interest in was being a photographer. Studying photography was a great help in realizing this. I wanted to be like Claire from Six Feet Under and take morose images juxtaposing the world with some deeper pseudo-intellectual existentialist melancholy. Whatever.
What I didn't want to do was take photos of people getting married. That is the majority of the industry, and the few alternatives didn't appeal either. I rarely take photos of my kid, why the hell would you think I want to take any of yours? Oh, you will pay me? Soul sucking void of meaninglessness and death of purpose here I come again, baited by the prospect of being paid... You get me every time you sinister little pieces of paper.
Another passion I have always had is visual art, but to quote a younger and far more abrasive me, 'Visual art is dead'. It isn't literally dead, but success at it falls in line with any sort of 'fame' based work. Its a competition with millions of other really talented people, and at the end of the day you all lose because some fool's pet monkey pooped on a canvas and its won the new artist spot. That is only sort of a joke, the art world really is like that. Talent and skill mean little. Right place right time means everything.
Defecating monkeys aside, the other reason art wasn't for me is because I can't 'produce' it, so to speak, it's an emotional thing for me, and largely a darker side of myself, and I feel this may be the case for many of us who have thought along those lines.
Through all these adventures, I had always been writing though. I started a lot of books. Not so much did I finished a lot of books. I have written tons of stuff, poetry, short stories, journals, song lyrics, i had boxes of just written junk. Never once did I seriously think 'hey, I want to be a writer'. I wrote because I loved it. And after many years, and a lot of failing at other junk, the light bulb did finally, and oh so cartoonishly, appear floating above mine head...
I still have to do other work to live at the moment, but it's nothing I hate, and the I have my target...
Thanks for reading.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Three Things I Learned From Drunk Folk
I had a mental breakdown.
The kind that involves a lot of collateral damage. Family members stop speaking to you. Friends treat you like you might at any moment start swinging from the rafters, wearing your underwear on your head while singing Kumbayaa. Other friends condemn you and threaten to stop being your friend all together. And they do.
When I got out of hospital ( it was that kind of break down)I did some demolition work on the main structures of my life. I quit my job, gave up my house. Cried a lot. And so on. I took a job as a bar tender to tide me over. I worked as one before, in my drugged up early twenties. Now I was regressing.Only minus the drugs. I find serving drunk people to be the best place to make observations on human behaviour. People are less inhibited when drunk, they display their mental ticks loudly (if with a slight slur) for all to see. Freud would have done great work if he gave up on the couch and gave his patients a bottle of whiskey instead, just to see what spewed from their mouths (other then vomit) when they had less ability to censor themselves. This is the countdown on the top three things a drunk will teach you.
1.How to be heard when nobodies listening.
This happens whenever somebody get works up over something. They don't need to be wasted. Do a social experiment yourself next time you're in a group, especially if the group includes at least one of the more obnoxious extrovert types. Dangle a hot topic, something everybody has a strong opinion about. Abortion, war, religion, Oreo Mcflurry's. And watch as people get loud. Nobody wins these debates, because nobody is listening to anybody else. Neck veins bulge, voices get raised, it becomes a competition of who can sound the most like a total twat while bellowing the loudest. Ever seen chimps get worked up at each other? Theres a lot of screeching and hooting and jumping around, but nothing is ever achieved. All the sound and the fury, signifying nothing.
Generally the best thing you can do in this situation is ignore them altogether. You're not going to change anybodies mind. Its a waste of energy. Don't even try. But on the off chance you do feel the need to say something, and you've thought it through and you're not just trying to run your mouth and be a smart ass, then what I've found is the best thing to do is to become quieter.
Body language is important here. Lean back so everybody has to lean in to hear what you say. Talk softer, so they have to crane in and pay attention. Do not be baited into raising your voice. This is the the law of the jungle and the bar room, the louder you speak, the louder will everybody else. The less they'll listen. So don't do that.
When everybody speaks louder, you speak softer. Its simple, but try to keep something else in mind;
;
2.Everybody wants your validation. All of them. All the time.
In a bar situation, as in the work situation, or in the school yard situation, egos jostle against one another like a pack of wolves at a kill. Nobody wins the ego game because its based on fear. When people think with their egos they make stupid plays to satisfy it. And to satisfy it, they need you. The ego's ultimate fear is that it is meaningless, that nobody cares. It needs you to care. It gets fed by signs that it matters, that it effects others. That it effects you. If somebody tries to intimidate and succeeds, you feed their ego. If somebody bullies you and you become defensive or cowed, you've fed their ego. If somebody tries to impress you and succeeds, if they bait you and take the bait, if they're obnoxious and you pay them any attention at all....well you're nothing but fodder for somebody else's insecurity complex, probably your own.
This is what happens when somebody loudly declares how much their new car costs. Or quotes some statistic about health care you're pretty sure is wrong. Or tells you how smart you are while staring at your boobs. Or tells you how stupid you are while while wearing sunglasses indoors and getting XXX tattooed on the back of their neck. These things have nothing to do with you. Don't be so narcissistic as to think they do. This is somebody else's fear of not being accepted, not being recognized, not being important, or not getting laid.
How do you handle it? Smile. Be nice. Speak quietly and to the point. Acknowledge the ego, its all they want. And if the ego is making them be a dick, ignore them. They do not exist. They never have. They are not important in anyway. Never reward it by responding any more then you have to.
3. Everybody wants to connect.
There's a guy that comes into the bar every morning. We all know him by name, and what he drinks. We drink shots with him and listen to his stories. Every bar tender probably has more then one of these customers. They're loners, or at least they come in alone. They sit at the bar by themselves, sometimes for hours. Eventually they will strike up a conversation with other clientele. People they've never met before. In this guys case he will end up paying for the drinks of everybody at the bar.
This sounds sad, but its not. Its exactly what happens every time you accept a request on Facebook from somebody you haven't spoken to in ten years. Or when you string somebody along whose interested in you, even though you have no intention of being serious with them. We ache to connect with others, and when a connection is made, it has to be really messed up before we'll break it off
Be kind. To yourself and to others. We all want the same thing, for somebody else to see us, to recognize us, to know we exist. Be easy with this kind of recognition of others. Give it freely, it costs you nothing.
The kind that involves a lot of collateral damage. Family members stop speaking to you. Friends treat you like you might at any moment start swinging from the rafters, wearing your underwear on your head while singing Kumbayaa. Other friends condemn you and threaten to stop being your friend all together. And they do.
When I got out of hospital ( it was that kind of break down)I did some demolition work on the main structures of my life. I quit my job, gave up my house. Cried a lot. And so on. I took a job as a bar tender to tide me over. I worked as one before, in my drugged up early twenties. Now I was regressing.Only minus the drugs. I find serving drunk people to be the best place to make observations on human behaviour. People are less inhibited when drunk, they display their mental ticks loudly (if with a slight slur) for all to see. Freud would have done great work if he gave up on the couch and gave his patients a bottle of whiskey instead, just to see what spewed from their mouths (other then vomit) when they had less ability to censor themselves. This is the countdown on the top three things a drunk will teach you.
1.How to be heard when nobodies listening.
This happens whenever somebody get works up over something. They don't need to be wasted. Do a social experiment yourself next time you're in a group, especially if the group includes at least one of the more obnoxious extrovert types. Dangle a hot topic, something everybody has a strong opinion about. Abortion, war, religion, Oreo Mcflurry's. And watch as people get loud. Nobody wins these debates, because nobody is listening to anybody else. Neck veins bulge, voices get raised, it becomes a competition of who can sound the most like a total twat while bellowing the loudest. Ever seen chimps get worked up at each other? Theres a lot of screeching and hooting and jumping around, but nothing is ever achieved. All the sound and the fury, signifying nothing.
Generally the best thing you can do in this situation is ignore them altogether. You're not going to change anybodies mind. Its a waste of energy. Don't even try. But on the off chance you do feel the need to say something, and you've thought it through and you're not just trying to run your mouth and be a smart ass, then what I've found is the best thing to do is to become quieter.
Body language is important here. Lean back so everybody has to lean in to hear what you say. Talk softer, so they have to crane in and pay attention. Do not be baited into raising your voice. This is the the law of the jungle and the bar room, the louder you speak, the louder will everybody else. The less they'll listen. So don't do that.
When everybody speaks louder, you speak softer. Its simple, but try to keep something else in mind;
;
2.Everybody wants your validation. All of them. All the time.
In a bar situation, as in the work situation, or in the school yard situation, egos jostle against one another like a pack of wolves at a kill. Nobody wins the ego game because its based on fear. When people think with their egos they make stupid plays to satisfy it. And to satisfy it, they need you. The ego's ultimate fear is that it is meaningless, that nobody cares. It needs you to care. It gets fed by signs that it matters, that it effects others. That it effects you. If somebody tries to intimidate and succeeds, you feed their ego. If somebody bullies you and you become defensive or cowed, you've fed their ego. If somebody tries to impress you and succeeds, if they bait you and take the bait, if they're obnoxious and you pay them any attention at all....well you're nothing but fodder for somebody else's insecurity complex, probably your own.
This is what happens when somebody loudly declares how much their new car costs. Or quotes some statistic about health care you're pretty sure is wrong. Or tells you how smart you are while staring at your boobs. Or tells you how stupid you are while while wearing sunglasses indoors and getting XXX tattooed on the back of their neck. These things have nothing to do with you. Don't be so narcissistic as to think they do. This is somebody else's fear of not being accepted, not being recognized, not being important, or not getting laid.
How do you handle it? Smile. Be nice. Speak quietly and to the point. Acknowledge the ego, its all they want. And if the ego is making them be a dick, ignore them. They do not exist. They never have. They are not important in anyway. Never reward it by responding any more then you have to.
3. Everybody wants to connect.
There's a guy that comes into the bar every morning. We all know him by name, and what he drinks. We drink shots with him and listen to his stories. Every bar tender probably has more then one of these customers. They're loners, or at least they come in alone. They sit at the bar by themselves, sometimes for hours. Eventually they will strike up a conversation with other clientele. People they've never met before. In this guys case he will end up paying for the drinks of everybody at the bar.
This sounds sad, but its not. Its exactly what happens every time you accept a request on Facebook from somebody you haven't spoken to in ten years. Or when you string somebody along whose interested in you, even though you have no intention of being serious with them. We ache to connect with others, and when a connection is made, it has to be really messed up before we'll break it off
Be kind. To yourself and to others. We all want the same thing, for somebody else to see us, to recognize us, to know we exist. Be easy with this kind of recognition of others. Give it freely, it costs you nothing.
The Gut Feeling
Learning To Act On It
I have done quite a variety of conventional jobs in the past. The one that comes to mind is when I used to design wedding invitations. It wasn't the worst job in the world. I worked for a chain of these paper places that's main business was catering to event stationary. I got to be creative. I was more or less in charge of the design process in the shop. When things got hectic I had a budget for hiring assistants. I wanted to kill myself on a daily basis.
We all have this sick feeling in our gut when it comes to doing certain things. I don't do any sort of conventional work anymore. No nine-to-five, nothing that involves paper work. I used to believe the lie. That not wanting to do certain things makes me a terrible person. It took me a while to realize that I have the innate right to try to be happy above all else.
Imagine my surprise, I do better financially now than I did when I used to 'work'. That doesn't matter to me though, but it's fine if it does to you. There is nothing wrong with wanting money, or the fun stupid stuff it can buy you. What does matter to me is that feeling, the sensation of genuinely hating every moment of your life, because that isn't you.
That gut feeling, the thing that makes you want to walk into work, spit on your boss' stupid face, do a U-turn, and run for the hills. We have been taught that it's a bad thing, that we must ignore it at all costs. The ethos seems to be 'You are supposed to be miserable, if you are happy, it can't really be work'. Stop believing that. Now.
I ask this a lot. What would make you happy?
The only way to form an idea of it is to think of stuff you would like to do, and see how that makes your gut instinct feel. It's very easy to come up with ideas. I can easily think I would love to be an astronaut. That involves a lot of junk that one doesn't think of straight away. A quick Google search of what it actually means to do be that and my gut says '...hell no'.
It's more than just the work you do. It's the life you live. It's almost mind blowing when you step way back from everything in your life, and ask yourself 'why?'.
If your stomach turns in any of these topics, here are some insights:
Your Stupid Job:
1. So if you quit your stupid job people are going to be disappointed? Screw those people, you should be pissed off at them, essentially they are placing their narrative of what you should be above your needs and happiness. Get drunk tonight and go dance on their flower beds, they deserve it.
2. If you quit you may not get a better job? Good, you hate this job, a better one in the same line means more misery. When you stop doing a thing, stop doing it holistically, don't just stop doing this job. You need a plan. I will discuss this elsewhere, but if you don't have a plan on how to get out for good, you will simply end up replacing bosses, and nothing more.
If you quit your job you will be homeless? Yes. Yes you will, unless you have a plan, once again. If you really can't take it anymore, here is a quick one you can borrow. Go to your nearest bar, a nice one (but not your favorite one) and ask for a job. If you are a female, this should be easy, if you aren't, well try every bar until someone says yes. Say you will start tomorrow.
Go to work, quit your job. If your boss asks for notice, start crying and vomiting at the same time while spinning in circles. Once security has removed you, you now have the added benefit of having ensured that despite any temptation brought on by fear, you can't go back to that hell hole. Now that you have a bar job, figure out what you want to do, and start. This is not the only way you can do this, it's just one way that works.
Your Stupid People:
1. Are there people that are making you miserable, but you can't remove them from your life? Why? 'Because they are friends/family/crab-people who really need me right now' is a terribly silly answer. It doesn't matter what you feel you owe people, or what they feel you owe them. YOU DO NOT OWE THEM YOUR HAPPINESS.
If just chucking these people makes you equally unhappy, then help them figure out how to get by without you. You don't need to tell them this is what you are doing, but do. If you are a bit more sensible and realize that the aforementioned method probably wont work, then just get out of the situation, or make it leave. Set a deadline, stick by it, and to hell with the fallout.
2. If someone is holding you 'hostage'*, be that emotionally, financially, or whatever, then just break that off. If you are being threatened in some way with some sort of reaction from someone, being nice about it is out right retarded. They are going to do it to you at some point anyway, there is nothing you can do. And you are going to be left regretting the time you wasted when you should have just sent them on their merry way and dealt with whatever the consequence is.
*If you are actually literally being held hostage I am not sure this blog is what you should be doing with that phone you had hid in your undies.
3. If you really love someone and they are making you miserable, come back to this blog when you have stopped being twelve. For god's sake, there are swears on this thing.
Your Stupid Stuff:
1. There are really only a few things to be said here. If you are trapped by owning stuff, sell said stuff. You can use the money to start whatever you actually want to do, or pay off a large chunk of what you might owe on that or other stuff. What's that? Selling stuff sounds like a terrible idea, even if you don't need it? Well then stay trapped, let me know how that works out for you.
2. If the 'stuff' is something you may need to do whatever it is you actually want to do, then keep it. Try to make money off it as soon as possible, that way if you get sued later, it cannot be taken from you as it is a means of income. Try to make a plan on how you are going to pay it.
As an example though, if you are an aspiring photographer, don't buy the most expensive camera equipment, get only the most basic things you need to start. You can build up with time. Also stop calling yourself an aspiring photographer. Whatever it is you want to be, you are that RIGHT NOW, so just go do it.
It's invariably up to you when you are going to start living. Nothing is really holding you back, you are allowing yourself to be where you are. For many, familiarity equals security. If you are unhappy then familiarity also equals misery.
The gut feeling is your thermometer, learn how to follow it.
Here is a link to a blog of a friend who is in the process of building her own life, you can read some of the insights and struggles and check out her awesome photography.
http://jackieblackford.blogspot.com/
Also be sure to check out Fish Seeks Hook
http://fishseekinghook.blogspot.com/
Thanks for reading.
I have done quite a variety of conventional jobs in the past. The one that comes to mind is when I used to design wedding invitations. It wasn't the worst job in the world. I worked for a chain of these paper places that's main business was catering to event stationary. I got to be creative. I was more or less in charge of the design process in the shop. When things got hectic I had a budget for hiring assistants. I wanted to kill myself on a daily basis.
We all have this sick feeling in our gut when it comes to doing certain things. I don't do any sort of conventional work anymore. No nine-to-five, nothing that involves paper work. I used to believe the lie. That not wanting to do certain things makes me a terrible person. It took me a while to realize that I have the innate right to try to be happy above all else.
Imagine my surprise, I do better financially now than I did when I used to 'work'. That doesn't matter to me though, but it's fine if it does to you. There is nothing wrong with wanting money, or the fun stupid stuff it can buy you. What does matter to me is that feeling, the sensation of genuinely hating every moment of your life, because that isn't you.
That gut feeling, the thing that makes you want to walk into work, spit on your boss' stupid face, do a U-turn, and run for the hills. We have been taught that it's a bad thing, that we must ignore it at all costs. The ethos seems to be 'You are supposed to be miserable, if you are happy, it can't really be work'. Stop believing that. Now.
I ask this a lot. What would make you happy?
The only way to form an idea of it is to think of stuff you would like to do, and see how that makes your gut instinct feel. It's very easy to come up with ideas. I can easily think I would love to be an astronaut. That involves a lot of junk that one doesn't think of straight away. A quick Google search of what it actually means to do be that and my gut says '...hell no'.
It's more than just the work you do. It's the life you live. It's almost mind blowing when you step way back from everything in your life, and ask yourself 'why?'.
If your stomach turns in any of these topics, here are some insights:
Your Stupid Job:
1. So if you quit your stupid job people are going to be disappointed? Screw those people, you should be pissed off at them, essentially they are placing their narrative of what you should be above your needs and happiness. Get drunk tonight and go dance on their flower beds, they deserve it.
2. If you quit you may not get a better job? Good, you hate this job, a better one in the same line means more misery. When you stop doing a thing, stop doing it holistically, don't just stop doing this job. You need a plan. I will discuss this elsewhere, but if you don't have a plan on how to get out for good, you will simply end up replacing bosses, and nothing more.
If you quit your job you will be homeless? Yes. Yes you will, unless you have a plan, once again. If you really can't take it anymore, here is a quick one you can borrow. Go to your nearest bar, a nice one (but not your favorite one) and ask for a job. If you are a female, this should be easy, if you aren't, well try every bar until someone says yes. Say you will start tomorrow.
Go to work, quit your job. If your boss asks for notice, start crying and vomiting at the same time while spinning in circles. Once security has removed you, you now have the added benefit of having ensured that despite any temptation brought on by fear, you can't go back to that hell hole. Now that you have a bar job, figure out what you want to do, and start. This is not the only way you can do this, it's just one way that works.
Your Stupid People:
1. Are there people that are making you miserable, but you can't remove them from your life? Why? 'Because they are friends/family/crab-people who really need me right now' is a terribly silly answer. It doesn't matter what you feel you owe people, or what they feel you owe them. YOU DO NOT OWE THEM YOUR HAPPINESS.
If just chucking these people makes you equally unhappy, then help them figure out how to get by without you. You don't need to tell them this is what you are doing, but do. If you are a bit more sensible and realize that the aforementioned method probably wont work, then just get out of the situation, or make it leave. Set a deadline, stick by it, and to hell with the fallout.
2. If someone is holding you 'hostage'*, be that emotionally, financially, or whatever, then just break that off. If you are being threatened in some way with some sort of reaction from someone, being nice about it is out right retarded. They are going to do it to you at some point anyway, there is nothing you can do. And you are going to be left regretting the time you wasted when you should have just sent them on their merry way and dealt with whatever the consequence is.
*If you are actually literally being held hostage I am not sure this blog is what you should be doing with that phone you had hid in your undies.
3. If you really love someone and they are making you miserable, come back to this blog when you have stopped being twelve. For god's sake, there are swears on this thing.
Your Stupid Stuff:
1. There are really only a few things to be said here. If you are trapped by owning stuff, sell said stuff. You can use the money to start whatever you actually want to do, or pay off a large chunk of what you might owe on that or other stuff. What's that? Selling stuff sounds like a terrible idea, even if you don't need it? Well then stay trapped, let me know how that works out for you.
2. If the 'stuff' is something you may need to do whatever it is you actually want to do, then keep it. Try to make money off it as soon as possible, that way if you get sued later, it cannot be taken from you as it is a means of income. Try to make a plan on how you are going to pay it.
As an example though, if you are an aspiring photographer, don't buy the most expensive camera equipment, get only the most basic things you need to start. You can build up with time. Also stop calling yourself an aspiring photographer. Whatever it is you want to be, you are that RIGHT NOW, so just go do it.
It's invariably up to you when you are going to start living. Nothing is really holding you back, you are allowing yourself to be where you are. For many, familiarity equals security. If you are unhappy then familiarity also equals misery.
The gut feeling is your thermometer, learn how to follow it.
Here is a link to a blog of a friend who is in the process of building her own life, you can read some of the insights and struggles and check out her awesome photography.
http://jackieblackford.blogspot.com/
Also be sure to check out Fish Seeks Hook
http://fishseekinghook.blogspot.com/
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Do It Your Way
I finished off in a good school. The kind of school where people ended up working in NASA or Oxford University. And if they did not do that they at least had the common decency to go on to raise kids who would. Seriously, if you left this school and became a doctor or a physiotherapist, you would find yourself treading water in the murky and shallow swamp of mediocrity while your classmates snorkeled in the great reefs of 'awe inspiring but yet endearingly humble', surrounded by singing porpoises...and unicorns. I assume unicorns because the holy powder puff balls knows I've never been there.
My first year there...well I started off with good intentions, really. For as long as my fifteen year old brain could fire all its synapses in the same direction (roughly eight minutes) I really was going to do good in school, and sports and all that other crap that constitutes a successful adolescence, paving the road to an even more successful adulthood which was guaranteed to include unicorns. Then my roommate and I got into trouble for being five minutes late for something. We were both new, and we were not allowed out of the hostel over the weekend because we were five minutes late from an outing. I remember we ran the whole way back, we were breathless when we arrived. We spewed apologies and "yes ma'ams, no ma'ams'. We were punished.
Our synapses no longer fired in that direction. What followed was a pattern of rebellion and punishment, a stand off between us and the authorities that spiraled quickly. We would be given disciplinary hearing after disciplinary hearing. The more they tried to control us the more uncontrollable we became. We were not bad kids. Most of it was pretty harmless. Sabotaging the head masters tyres, bunking out, smoking weed. But it was unacceptable by the school's standards. We read this as we were unacceptable. We were happy to prove the point.
It would have ended that way. A constant struggle with authorities we could not respect, rules we found arbitrary and our own teenage angst and low self esteems bringing us to eventual expulsion. This is what happened to many of my friends. I have some of them on Facebook. Most of them are doing ok now, they seem happy, settled. Others not so much.
this is how society works. We are million of pebbles in an ocean of global civilisation. What this ocean aims to do is to rub us against one another, smooth out our rough edges, our idiosyncrasies, all the things make us unacceptable. This is good in some respects. If society is the greater good then this serves society well, for instance if your particular sharp edge is a tendency towards general dickishness and public nudity then society will likely role you around in the tide a bit until it wears this bit of you away, and spews you out again. A smooth, harmless pebble, nice to the touch, bothering no one.
I managed not to get expelled. The Great Powder Puff Ball at work again, or some such deity. But something changed. I found something I wanted. A long standing fascination with horses, a passion, was reignited with lessons and the promise of my own horse. ( a completely Useless, hammer-headed Nag aptly named Rod. As in Nimrod) It was enough for me, i pulled my grades up overnight. Where I was barely scraping a pass before now I was hyperventilating if I scored less then 98%. Parents and teachers were thrilled. I was a success story. My class was given talks about my miraculous turnaround. I never sat a days worth of detention again.
But....
I did not stop bunking class whenever I felt like it. When class held no purpose, when I knew the work, or just when I was bored, I bunked. I got busted, but not punished. It didn't feature in anybodies narrative that I could be both a top achiever and still do whatever the fuck I wanted to. Learn this lesson as fast as you can.
So here's the point. There are three roads. One is the Road of the masses. There's nothing bad about this. If you are well adjusted enough to swan through life earning a good living doing something socially acceptable like dentistry while begetting two point four kids and owning a beagle. Good for you. You will probably have to work hard, and be bored sometimes. But hopefully you will be fine. Then there the sharp edged pebbles, most of these will always struggle. Moving aimlessly from job to job, bristling at bosses. Fighting, escaping. Often slipping through the cracks all together because society is a harsh mistress and there's a line to be towed.
Or just fucking do it your way. This means digging your heels in, squaring your shoulders and gritting your teeth. Your going to come up against hard criticism, but shrug it off, it doesn't matter. Form an idea of what you want. Even if its nothing more then ancient mule called Rod, Put your eye on the target. Figure out what you will and will not do. There were subjects I hated, teachers I flat out refused to work with. I dropped their subjects. But in everything else I excelled. I had a reason. And I did not hate them. Passion will drive you further then fear ever can.
And I kept my rough edges. I never bent on that. Sheer bloodymindedness when it comes to living on your own terms, by your own rules is essential. If they can explain to you why something is necessary, then do it. If not, don't. This is your life. Do it your way.
Friday, January 10, 2014
It doesn't really matter, in a positive way
A Reflection...
I am getting late into my twenties now, it's become clear the the overarching plot of that age is to try to figure out what makes you the least miserable and how to make it so that that's what you spend most of your time doing. Well, that and challenging modern medicine's estimates of the maximum abuse a liver can take.
Some do this whole thing... harder, for lack of enthusiasm to Google a synonym, than others. It most likely has something to do with some buzz word like how 'well adjusted' one is. That specific one is BS, any truly well adjusted human being would jump off the Golden Gate at first glance of the state of the human race, but you get my point.
Most of us aren't Oprah babies, and we are all lucky that some parts of our brain still work despite all probability. So, getting to what I think I have learned from what I can remember of the foggy vague time that was my twenties:
The most important thing is realizing that it doesn't matter, in a positive way. I am not going to jump into the cliche' pit from whence all reggae music is written. Like if you want to live in a house, you need to make money, if you want to eat, its money or those unfortunate cats you see on a busy road on a Saturday morning. What you don't have to do though, is work for anything you don't actually want.
If there is one thing that really pisses people off, it's when you tell them you don't care about a certain need. Just today I told someone I don't care about eating cooked meals. The result, one pissed off person. Why? I don't know. Perhaps they are unnaturally concerned with my diet. Maybe they are trapped in a life they think they have to live and my nonchalant dismissal of something integral to that undermines what value they had placed on a life that they would rather not at this late point admit to them self is a lie. Doesn't matter.
It's a philosophical concept that has been abused to the extent of meaningless. 'Do you actually want any of the stuff you are working for? Are you not owned, in truth, by your possessions?'. Pretend, if you can, that that's a fresh new question somehow though.
Perhaps if I rephrase it that will help. 'Can you quit your job today and go hunting for Nessie with me? No? Is it because of that stupid thing you bought, that you are paying off, that so covertly controls every major life decision you make? Oh, what's that? You have just bought another thing? Why? Oh, it moistens the air well playing Chopin and gently invading your ability to be self reliant to make sure your turbo charged nanny-cam doesn't interrupt your email powered flower arrangements? Well that sounds useful.'
Apologies if I sound anti-consumerist, I am not, I am saying do you actually want all THAT specific junk you have, and the principle applies to people. Do you actually WANT a husband/wife? Do you WANT kids?
I have a kid, I am really fond of it, and his existence is my favorite part of my life. I don't have a spouse or partner, and that's been working out good for me as well. I SHOULD have gotten married for my kid's sake? Bull. His mother and I are good friends and happier with this. That's an example I guess, the mold didn't fit. We SHOULD have, but we didn't, and everyone involved is better for it.
What mold's don't fit in your life? Stab in the dark that those constitute the majority of what makes you unhappy. The trick lies somewhere in that twenty year old mentality I mentioned, figuring out what makes you the least miserable.
How much time have you spent asking what really makes you happy? I would like to suggest an answer of none at all. Thinking about how it makes you happy to become a person who fits the parameters of social convention whilst allowing you the greatest amount of pleasure, is not thinking about what will make you happy.
What would make me happy? Being lost on an island and finding a group of like minded people to have sex with and never ever shaving again and living in a tree that looks like the one the Lost Boys had. And having a dinosaur. That would make me happy, until I think of a new thing.
What I used to think would make me happy was studying physics and getting a well paying job and never struggling financially. I feel the contrast makes the point. What would make YOU happy. Not you the earner, you the relative, you the Facebook page, but YOU, the thing that lives somewhere in your skull.
-If the reason you are doing something is pride, stop doing it, no one cares. Nobody, and I repeat, not a soul on earth trust me we had a meeting, gives a crap about your fancy degree, your big house or your social status. If those things really make you happy, then that's great, but odds are they don't, so stop it.
-If it's family, I am going to paraphrase a guy who's name I have forgotten (will post when it comes back to me). 'How much time did you promise your family? a year? a decade? the rest of your life?'. Family is no reason to do anything, I love many of my relatives, but they are humans, and I don't owe them my life, that makes no sense. Stop doing that.
-I am not going to list every reason I can come up with, the point is made.
Some other lessons my twenties have taught me:
-Be honest, not just in what you say, and not for the sake of others, for yourself, as well as to yourself.
-Don't call yourself anything, like 'intelligent', 'crazy', 'a moonlit wellspring', whatever, you only build yourself a cage with such things.
-Nobody has it figured out. Even those people who act as though they do. Everyone is secretly a bit terrified, uncertain. No one has the answers. We can determine the mass of particles, calculate the amount of atoms in a perfect sphere of silicon 28 to a precise digit, and map the history of the physical universe to within fractions of a second post its origins. What nobody knows in the slightest is what this actually is and what it, and by extension, what we are here for. No one.
-Learn to step back. All the subject matter of this post, for example, can only be approached when you put some distance between your self and your situation. Those two are, despite our massively flawed and unreliable instincts, not the same thing.
-Take a holiday. Take a sick day and go sit in the park (or more realistically, walk till you get tired and just sit there). Go insane and get booked into a state mental facility. Whatever it takes. I know I plan on.
Enjoy being alive, and on bad days remember you really are going to die some day. It doesn't really matter, in a positive way.
Thanks for reading.
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