A return from a bit of laying my world to waste
Alright, so, after being offline because I didn't pay a fine which my ISP delightfully granted me, having a lot of extra work I really didn't feel like getting around to, then having an episode of what is clinically known as 'batshit-crazy' and ending up in a 'place' for a week or two, here I finally am, back doing what I love.
Indecently, doing the thing I love was not actually made impossible by any of my aforementioned excuses, that's all they are, excuses. I could have found ways around them, but I didn't, I allowed myself to think they were boundaries, insurmountable, but again, in retrospect, they were not.
Before I talk more about these 'boundaries', I want to refer back to what is perhaps the best, if most extreme, destroyer of these imaginary brick walls.
Self Destruction
I wrote in a previous post about self destruction, so I am not going to go into it to much here again, but I want to mention again the fact that its probably not a bad thing at all, it is just you entirely misunderstanding your subconscious self, and then it more or less goes to war with you, it the subconscious always wins.
The reason self destruction is actually vital is tied into some pretty simple questions, and, here they are:
1. Would a perfectly happy and content person destroy their current circumstances (or 'life') in such a reckless and indirectly aggressive way? The process of self destruction an out of control recklessness, and desire to lay the world to waste, or at least that's how mine goes, yours may have other characteristics, but I can't picture being really happy and this happening.
2. Would a person whose mental, physical and spiritual requirements are met be in a position of being capable to undergo such a thing? Sort of a flimsy question in that it is highly debatable as to whether it is even possible for all these needs to be met on a consistent basis, but all the same, it requires great deficit in one or all of them to trigger a self destructive episode
3. Should any person live a life that is for all intents and purposes a sort of real manifestation of the notion of hell? Regardless of the massive and invasive conditioning we experience in our lives, YOU DO NOT OWE ANYONE YOUR LIFE, YOUR RIGHT TO A LIFE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, OR TO EXIST WITHIN A LIFE OF AUTHENTICITY.
So then self destruction is a subconscious tool that frees us when the conscious mind is blindly locked in the preconceptions and internal conflicts presented by the external world. Although it is unlikely to be clearly visible at the time, the outcome allows space for change and growth, and often the destruction itself triggers or accommodates positive change.
As an example, I was diagnosed with severe uni-polar depression a year ago. The path of destruction I underwent recently triggered a chain of events that led to a re-diagnosis, and it was found I am in fact bipolar.
Now, this is nothing special in and of itself, everyone in today's 'Culture of the Self' has some shit going on, but getting the proper diagnosis means getting the right medication, which is another tool to combat the physical aspects of our lives that restrict our ability to actually do the bloody stuff we want to be doing. Bringing me neatly to the only actual boundary...
The Brain
No, I don't mean the mind alone, I mean the chemical interactions, the neural networks and various parts and the way they interact. I mean the totality of the physical grey mass in your skull and it's ability to process information about our external circumstance.
We see reality through these limited perceptions, they are all we know of what is true, and yet perceive so very little. That is in itself disconcerting, but when these limited senses rely entirely upon the extremely frangible brain chemistry we are stuck with, it becomes increasingly clear the importance of making sure the damn thing works at least half alright.
To illustrate the point, consider colour blindness. A person with a particular version of this condition cannot differentiate between certain hues, like darker purples and blues, so without external intervention, such as, you know, being told, this person would never experience these as different colours. This is a weak analogue, but does present my train of thought on the matter.
Taking the idea further, someone suffering from depression basically has the problem where too little serotonin is produced and/or is reabsorbed to fast. So this person may be rather close to having a life that would satisfy their actual wants, but would be incapable of experiencing it, or perhaps be rendered incapable of clearly pursuing the things that would lead to such a state of affairs, because of a chemical component in their physical brain.
This person could decide that this is just what is real to them, or could alternatively start taking SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) which will change the chemical condition, allowing them to get on with life in a somewhat more objective fashion, and this applies to all conditions subject to our brain chemistry.
I do not believe we should all jump on the bandwagon of medicating every little thing, and I get it when people say they are completely against medication of any sort, that is a vast area for discussion and is extremely multi-faceted. I am simply saying that ignoring these real scientifically provable conditions is not the answer. We must find a way of treating or altering these conditions so as to no longer be entirely subject to them.
As I said, this may still be miles from any sort of unimaginable true objectivity, but at very least we can then know that the limited sensory input we are working with can be utilized as efficiently as possible.
So when I say the brain is the only actual boundary it is because of that subjective nature of perception, and result being the inherently distorted framework from which we construct our internal beliefs about our external reality.
I see it in others, and know it in myself, how easily we build false perceptions and false agonies, creating pain and strife for ourselves where there is none. This is an important factor to consider, regardless of your personal feelings on the matter, in the path to creating your own life, and the boundaries that keep you from doing so.
Remember that your brain is a chemical storm and perfectly capable of screwing you over at any time. I do not believe that we are only the sum of our brain personally, but if you do then all the more reason to consider maybe seeing someone if you feel like it may be necessary.
What I am certainly not saying is that 'it's all in your head'. I get that there is real shit that makes it hard to pursue something. What I am saying is that the difference between a difficult challenge which you know you can overcome, and impossible brick wall that makes you never want to get out of bed again, that is merely the result of the state of perception derived from your mental condition which is simply the cognitive manifestation of a very real and physical complex chemical structure that is your brain
I am not trying to make any sort of reductionist statement either, in which we are just our chemical make-up, as I say, I feel that the deepest self, or consciousness is something distinct, but the body is it's only looking glass, so it is therefor subject entirely in it's experience of reality to the instrument it must use.
Remember, it's your life, yours alone, yours to create or destroy, but the boundaries are illusions created by our limited perceptions.
Thanks for reading
