Do It Your Way

I finished off in a good school. The kind of school where people ended up working in NASA or Oxford University. And if they did not do that they at least had the common decency to go on to raise kids who would. Seriously, if you left this school and became a doctor or a physiotherapist, you would find yourself treading water in the murky and shallow swamp of mediocrity while your classmates snorkeled in the great reefs of 'awe inspiring but yet endearingly humble', surrounded by singing porpoises...and unicorns. I assume unicorns because the holy powder puff balls knows I've never been there.

My first year there...well I started off with good intentions, really. For as long as my fifteen year old brain could fire all its synapses in the same direction (roughly eight minutes) I really was going to do good in school, and sports and all that other crap that constitutes a successful adolescence, paving the road to an even more successful adulthood which was guaranteed to include unicorns. Then my roommate and I got into trouble for being five minutes late for something. We were both new, and we were not allowed out of the hostel over the weekend because we were five minutes late from an outing. I remember we ran the whole way back, we were breathless when we arrived. We spewed apologies and "yes ma'ams, no ma'ams'. We were punished. 

Our synapses no longer fired in that direction. What followed was a pattern of rebellion and punishment, a stand off between us and the authorities that spiraled quickly. We would be given disciplinary hearing after disciplinary hearing. The more they tried to control us the more uncontrollable we became. We were not bad kids. Most of it was pretty harmless. Sabotaging the head masters tyres, bunking out, smoking weed. But it was unacceptable by the school's standards. We read this as we were unacceptable. We were happy to prove the point.

It would have ended that way. A constant struggle with authorities we could not respect, rules we found arbitrary and our own teenage angst and low self esteems bringing us to eventual expulsion. This is what happened to many of my friends. I have some of them on Facebook. Most of them are doing ok now, they seem happy, settled. Others not so much.

this is how society works. We are million of pebbles in an ocean of global civilisation. What this ocean aims to do is to rub us against one another, smooth out our rough edges, our idiosyncrasies, all the things make us unacceptable. This is good in some respects. If society is the greater good then this serves society well, for instance if your particular sharp edge is a tendency towards general dickishness and public nudity then society will likely role you around in the tide a bit until it wears this bit of you away, and spews you out again. A smooth, harmless pebble, nice to the touch, bothering no one.

I managed not to get expelled. The Great Powder Puff Ball at work again, or some such deity. But something changed. I found something I wanted. A long standing fascination with horses, a passion, was reignited with lessons and the promise of my own horse. ( a completely Useless, hammer-headed Nag aptly named Rod. As in Nimrod) It was enough for me, i pulled my grades up overnight. Where I was barely scraping a pass before now I was hyperventilating if I scored less then 98%. Parents and teachers were thrilled. I was a success story. My class was given talks about my miraculous turnaround. I never sat a days worth of detention again. 

But....

I did not stop bunking class whenever I felt like it. When class held no purpose, when I knew the work, or just when I was bored, I bunked. I got busted, but not punished. It didn't feature in anybodies narrative that I could be both a top achiever and still do whatever the fuck I wanted to. Learn this lesson as fast as you can. 

So here's the point. There are three roads. One is the Road of the masses. There's nothing bad about this. If you are well adjusted enough to swan through life earning a good living doing something socially acceptable like dentistry while begetting two point four kids and owning a beagle. Good for you. You will probably have to work hard, and be bored sometimes. But hopefully you will be fine. Then there the sharp edged pebbles, most of these will always struggle. Moving aimlessly from job to job, bristling at bosses. Fighting, escaping. Often slipping through the cracks all together because society is a harsh mistress and there's a line to be towed.

Or just fucking do it your way. This means digging your heels in, squaring your shoulders and gritting your teeth. Your going to come up against hard criticism, but shrug it off, it doesn't matter. Form an idea of what you want. Even if its nothing more then ancient mule called Rod, Put your eye on the target. Figure out what you will and will not do. There were subjects I hated, teachers I flat out refused to work with. I dropped their subjects. But in everything else I excelled. I had a reason. And I did not hate them. Passion will drive you further then fear ever can.

And I kept my rough edges. I never bent on that. Sheer bloodymindedness when it comes to living on your own terms, by your own rules is essential. If they can explain to you why something is necessary, then do it. If not, don't. This is your life. Do it your way.